My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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