I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
