There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize