I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
