i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
