Slut skills are useful in every country.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
