Don't make out with my wife yet
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
