Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
