hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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