Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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