I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize