my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
