Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
