I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
