I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
