I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
