I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
