i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
two words...techno handjob
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
