I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
