He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
