question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
