Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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