I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
