Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
