Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The best revenge is premature balding
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
