So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
