SEEEEXXX PLEASE
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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