Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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