I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
