im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize