Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize