He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
