I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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