It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm too high and old for this...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
