Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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