Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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