remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize