Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
