i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
