Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
