moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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