I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
