i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
