Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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