when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
