This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
