Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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