Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize