I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize