You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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