If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
