I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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