I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
