dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Randomize
