the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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