I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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