a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
