Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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