why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
