Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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