in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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