the new term for farting is butt boxing.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
