worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Houston, we have a squirter
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
