Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
