No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
