Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
