I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
