My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
