i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
