remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
