just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
