You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
