Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
