so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
