It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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