your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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