Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
