3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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