I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
honey bunches of taint.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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