i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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