Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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