Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
