dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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