D3 body, D1 cock
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
