the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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