PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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