i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
