We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I intend to get homeless drunk
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
