The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize