we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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