I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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