If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
