I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
