i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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